The Beginning
I decided to take this journey without knowing how long it would take.
The true beginning of Mama and my recent story* was at the hot spring in the autumn of 2016, only a few months after my late husband, Patrick’s passing. I was deeply grieving but I couldn’t admit it back then.
***
At the hot spring, I was left alone with Mama in the dressing room. My sisters had already gone to the adjacent bath area beyond the sliding glass door on which the hot steam was constantly licking and streaming down the surface.
Mama was already undressed, holding a towel in front of her body, and ready to go inside the bath area. I was next to her, hesitant to show my body to her, yet slowly undressing down to my underwear.
Suddenly, she extended her hand onto my shoulder, looked at me, and said,
“It must’ve been so difficult for you for these years… I can tell from your body… almost like that of a man.”
I gulped. I felt as if I were hit in the head, lightheaded, and couldn’t process her words for several seconds. Then I gathered myself to breathe again gasping the air.
This was the first time Mama spoke to me directly since my arrival. In fact, it was the first time since I’d left Japan three and half years…
